It's a start

Well last night was the first night that I actually sat down and took some time to write in the super rad camo notebook that Laurel gave me. It was actually pretty fun and I now want to make it a regular thing. I also have the idea to write in it about my whole deployment and turn it into a book. Maybe not for sale on the market but just for fun. With that, I've decided to post my first entry for you all to read because it really talks about things that are important to me. Also when you read this make sure that you realize and understand that it's a draft, they're my daily entries, so they're not going to be perfect. It's mainly just meant for your enjoyment. Well, hopefully you enjoy it. Oh no, now I'm actually worrying about what you guys think about my entry. Time to cut the crap and just post my entry now. So,....Enjoy?

10 Mar 2008
"freakin' me out you wear a mask called counterfeit, freakin' me out you wear a mask" screams Fred Durst of Limp Bizkit in my headphones. I know that it's a little heavier that I usually listen to, but it was just one of those days that I need to get some rage out. It kind of has a ring to it though. I'm actually thinking about making it my official theme song for the deployment, it just kind of fits. If you know me then you'll understand that you never really do quite know what's going on in my head, with me, or even what I'm thinking about you; hence I'm wearing a mask. I don't really know where I get it from or even where it comes from. It's just always kind of been there, the secrecy thing. I've always really been an outward social guy. I've just never felt like or wanted others to know what I was doing or thinking. It was so prominent early on that my parents decided to give me the nickname SAM, Secret Agent Man. You can call it a shield, a defense mechanism, or whatever you want, but the fact of the matter is that the "shield" is there. I just feel bad for my wife, MHE, though because she's the one that actually has to deal with it. She's done a great job so far with getting me to open up more but I'm still pretty closed about things. Especially when I feel that it's something that I'm protecting her from, like an issue that she doesn't really need to deal with. I realize that it's not fair for me to do that to her, but it's hard to place undue stress in her life if I don't need to. Well anyways that's neither here nor there. The point of this collection of dated entries is to highlight some of the more memorable events of my deployment. I've never actually done this before so if I'm off and on with it then I apologize ahead of time. Also I've decided to to call this a collection of dated entries because quite frankly to call it a diary or journal is kind of, well... Gay.
So here we go, for my first entry I've decided to talk about my motivations. I feel it's only appropriate because unlike a lot of the soldiers I'm deploying with, I chose to be here. Now I'm not saying that they didn't choose to be here because they did when when they signed the dotted line. It's just that I volunteered to come on this deployment. I know that you may have your own opinions about that due to whether you're a Democrat of Republican, a Christian or Atheist, or even if you're rich or poor; the only thing I ask is that you hold your judgements until you see my side. If you still feel the same at the end as you did at the beginning then that's fine, in fact that's your right. Man do I love how you have that right and I ask that you exercise that right as often as you can. It only pays tribute to every Patriot that fought and gave their life freely to pave the roads to our freedoms.
What are MY motivations? Well it's quite simple. In my house we live by what I call the three fundamental "F's", which are faith, family, and friends. Maybe not in that order, but they are all just as important. These F's are my motivations. Go ahead, say it in your head. Better yet, say it out loud. No wait, YELL it out loud, "Faith, Family, and Friends." Because I've found that without these three things in your life you're not really living a very complete life. Not saying that you can't have a happy life, I'm just saying that you can't have a very complete one.
Let's start with talking about friends. Friends are always there, you have them from the time that you're really young and with any luck you'll still have them by the time you die. I know I will. What is a friend though? You may all see it a little differently, but I'm sure that no matter who you are, a friend is basically the same to you as it is to the guy sitting next to you. Well it's time to exercise my rights as being the author and tell you what a friend is to me. A friend is someone who, above all others, will be by your side through the thick and thin; they'll be there until the end and they won't worry about how they made it, they'll just be happy that they did. I'm one of those guys that has a lot of acquaintances, but only a handful of true friends. They're my true friends for a reason and I'll never lose them as a friend just because of what people may think of them or of their short comings and down falls. If you're one of these people, one of my true friends, than you'll know it. I try and make it pretty apparent. So thank you to all of you.
Faith takes a strong person to understand it. It's not for the faint of heart or the weak. It takes real courage and strength to be able to place your life and salvation in the hands of a being that can't even be seen. It takes a person with real dedication to live the kind of life that has been asked of you to live. As for myself I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and I know without a doubt that Joseph Smith was the lords Prophet that restored the true church to this earth. This isn't a recruitment effort so I won't go into it any further. My point is that my faith is what guides me through my journey in life and I try to do that the best that I can. I for one am far from being perfect, but what is perfect is the fact that I try and live the best life possible and that follows my faiths beliefs. I once had a Bishop of mine tell me, "It's easy to run out there and live the life that follows the wrong path. What is hard and tests your faith is to run out there and live the life that follows the right path. Life is meant to be a test." How will you live your life and how will you pass the test? I don't know but I'm ready for the journey down the right path.
Finally and most importantly we have Family. Everything I do in this life is for my family and their best interests. Hopefully throughout this collection of dated entries you'll find that I hold them very dear to my heart. My whole goal in this life is to be the best person that I can be so that my family can be able to look back when my life has come to an end and say they that they were proud of the person I was. It's basically the same way that I feel about my father. He is the man that I try to emulate. To me he can do no wrong. He IS my role model and the man that I proudly and without hesitation call my father. I don't know if you read this dad, but I love you and am proud to be your son. All I know is that if I can only be half the man, father, and soldier that you are then I'll have lived a great life. I'd now like to take the time and talk about the center of my world, MHE, my wife. She is the one person that above all others I have the most respect for. It's a hard thing to be married to a soldier. It's even harder when the soldier is me. Man, she has to put up with so much crap. I promise that all the crap that we go through is for the best. I sacrifice a lot of our present so that I can make sure that we have the best future possible and it's not always easy. So MHE, thank you for being my wife and hanging in there through it all. The person that I am today and the person that I will be in the future is all due to her. She is my anchor that keeps me grounded. I haven't always been the man that I am today, I have my past. One thing I do know for certain though is that she is my future.
Which brings me to why I'm here, getting ready to be deployed to a hostile region for a year. It's because of the love that I have for my wife. It's because, like I said before, I sacrifice our present for a better future. This deployment isn't some chance to get away from the wife for a year and go hang out with the guys. If I wanted to do that I could just call up one of my true friends and go do something. I wouldn't have to go to a country where they tend to shoot at us guys in uniform. This is for me. This is for MHE. This is for us. I love you MHE and I always will. It may be rough right now but I promise that it will be better in a year.





So I hope that you now feel that you have a little more insight into my life and get a feel for who I am. Thanks for your time.